A Love Letter
Dear Mom,
All of my life’s lessons I attribute to you. To be witness to your life with Dad , and to be parented by both of you, is what I consider to be my greatest and most bountiful gift from God. It was always clearly evident how much you loved each other and loved us without bounderies of any kind. We lived and were surrounded by our paternal grandfather Abuelo and Nana my paternal grandmother, our maternal grandmother was Abuela and our father’s beloved sister ,our aunt Cuca.
Together with these wonderful people , you created a safe and loving haven for us. From you, and from them, we learned the importance of love, family, loyalty and an enormous work ethic and discipline. And the most valuable lesson was a love and great belief in God. “Through Him all things are possible”. I can still hear those true words today. I accept and depend on my Catholic doctrine ; the expectation that everything has a purpose and all will work out for us in God’s time. For me this is not an assumption but a fact of life.
Under your care and guidance ,as a family, we co-existed together happily and without a care in the world. My brother and I were the recipients of their abundant attention to all of our needs. Our breakfasts were brought to us before we were picked up to go to school. Ours socks were placed on our feet while we slept and our school uniforms washed and irioned daily. Our routine was to come home from school have a snack and get our homework done. It was our responsibilty to study and get good grades, because you knew that we were capable of producing honor grades. According to you, we were required to give what you knew we could deliver. And deliver we did. That was our only “job”. And then we were allowed to play, party, have fun, etc. I never wanted to disappoint you in this arena, after all , that was all that you asked of us. I craved your for your approval. I needed for you to be proud of me. And , although yours was not a generation of expressing to us that you loved us verbally , as we do today,we felt enormously Ioved and safe . That is what matters to me. I remember Abuela, telling us that I was her right eye and my brother was her left eye. It was her graphic way of trying to describe and explain to two young children how important they were to her. But, Mom, Abuela adored you and was so proud of all of your accomplishments as a daughter, a wife ,a mother and as a practicing Catholic. The religion that you gave to us and taught us to live by. It was the common denominator of our everyday lives.
We were too young to comprehend the implications of moving from Cuba, your native country, to the United States. Unable to see how much courage and determination you and Dad must have had to make such a decsion as this. You were leaving behind family, friends, a completelty different way of life and entering into a new one with no return in the horizon. Dad knew English because he was sent to boarding school in Georgia and Connecticut. Your English was a little limited and I thought that you had a lovely accent; but you didn’t care for it. We felt as though we were going on vacation and on an adventure. New clothes, packed luggage, and a trip to the airport where Abuelo and Nana waved goodbye to us from behind a glass window. And I thank you for not frightening us and for making us alwyas feel very safe wherever we went. Our lives changed; you and Dad made the change seem effortless . But I know now that it was anything but that. You had never worked in your life until we moved to the United States. I remember when Abuela moved to Miami from Chicago to take care of us because you were going to start working. I never heard you complain about work or being tired; You were so young and very beautiful so God knows what else you were exposed to in the work atmosphere. You kept that to yourself. Dad was always the captain of the ship and these sailors followed without a second thought. His fabulous sense of humor kept us in stitches and made everything seem so light. Even though I’m sure there were many worries for you both, we never felt your fear or concerns. We always felt protected and safeguarded from all possible dangers. How lucky we were to live as we did; oblivious to anything but happiness. I will forever thank you for this .
We were very sheltered while attending Catholic schools all of our lives. Here we made friends ,that became family to us. These friendships have endured for life. Our friends were and still are our support group. You also befriended our friends ‘s parents because new friends had to be made, since you had left all of your friends back in Cuba. We developed a community of people with the same beliefs and morals as our own. There were countless parties and celebrations, vacations, graduations, weddings, and births. Later there was sickness and death within this wonderful and unforgettable group of people that we so loved. Dad taught me that ” The most certain thing in life is that we are born and eventually, we will all die. But what matters , the only thing that matters, is how you live your life and what you do with it. The rest is of little to no importance.” You never insisted that we must do this or that, you taught us by example. Everyone mattered; and we were all impotant and needed appropriate attention. No one was to feel unnoticed or unloved. No one was ever to feel less than anyone else. Humanity reigned as natural as breathing the air and we grew generous hearts thatwe shared with others.
I married very young by today’s standards . Twenty years of age is young. You married at 17 ! But you and Dad automaticaaly knew what a wonderful man Angel was and you eagerly blessed the union . You had such a good eye for the people that came into our lives. It was as though you were an instinctive Xray machine. You could tell about the inside of a person. The outside is easy to judge and describe , but the trick is the dissection of a person’s character and true sense of being. How much is the persons intregal worth , not money. Mom, you said the following to me, and maybe I didn’t believe you then because I was too young, but you were right once again. I tell this to my daughter and my granddaughters and I hope that they take me at my word and believe me. “A woman must find a man that loves her more than she loves him, because men are more selfish as a whole. A woman is always willing to give all when she falls in love without a second thought. Therefore, by all means fall in love wholeheartedly , but be sure that he loves you more, above and beyond all. He must be willing to offer and sacrifice more for you than you for him. This is a fail proof equation. And though the scales seemed to be tipped in your favor at the beginning, they will be balanced out before you know it. Remember that true love is forever and being able to unite two souls as one is a magical blessing from God.” Mom, wise words and ones that I will never forget. . I cannot explain how or exactly when it happened but Angel and I are one heart, one soul, one being as you and Dad were. He has kepted his promise to you and has taken care of me in a way that is enviable to all who know us. Angel’s capacity to love is beyond all expectations. We come first in his life now and always. He never has doubts about his responsibilities or his obligations to those whom he loves. He is a man of great character. He is noble, loyal and suffers no fools . Verbalizing his feelings every day and teaching us how to do the same. “I love you” is expressed daily in our home between ourselves, our children and grandchildren. We are all cherished by this man and we cannot conceive of a world without him.
There are so many things that I wish I could have shared with you. Endless questions to which I had no answers and would have loved your input because you always knew what to say or how to comfort me when needed. As my mom, you were also my champion and best friend . You would have enjoyed the shop that we have created through our dreams and desires; and with an enormous amount of hard work. We love our shop and we have survived many hardships throughout the years; mostly financial due to the market and the economy. Sadly, many other shops in our area have folded and closed but luckily, and mostly with God’s help, we are still in business. Our little fine gifts and home accessories shop is truly place of magic and beauty; this we hear from all that come to visit us. We have wonderful and loyal clients that we love ot see and help with their selection of gifts. Dad got to see us open and grow for many years. I know that he took such great pleasure in coming to see me in the middle of the day to chat and laugh. I miss him terribly.
Mom, there isn’t a day that goes by in which I don’t talk to you and wish that you were here with all of us. Your presence is, and will forever be, a part of me . I still want you to be proud of me and watch over me as you did all of your life. I always depended on that. Knowing that nothing could go wrong with you there protecting me. I need for you to continue to guide me in all of my decisions in life . I try to put myself in your place whenever there is a fork in the road and I try to do what I feel you would do in my place. I hope I have not let you down ; as my dream is to be like you. It always has been, but I never got a chance to tell you so while you were alive. I whispered it to you in the hospital the day that you died but it’s not the same, is it? . I never got a chance to tell you daily that I love you . I should have told you this every day because you deserved to hear it. And so I’ll tell you “I love you” all of the days that I am alive. I will continue to tell you this when we meet in heaven one day and embrace as we used to. What a lovely thought that is.
Your daughter who loves you always,
Jo